


Faces of Death

by Zetsubousensei



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Blood and Gore, Embarrassment, Gore, Masturbation, Other, Shame, Snuff, Snuff Films, Understanding, Vomiting, Walking In On Someone, disgust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:13:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26440216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zetsubousensei/pseuds/Zetsubousensei
Summary: In the BLU lab late at night Medic gets off to snuff films. Engineer seeking relief for a headache accidentally walks in on him and is disgusted. Tea ensues, talking is had, and an understanding is reached.Not porn, but heed the tags.
Relationships: Engineer & Medic (Team Fortress 2)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	Faces of Death

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains descriptions of violence and assumptions about those with gore fetishes. It's light-hearted, but still dark stuff. I do not pretend to fully understand it nor do I shame those who do. Please be aware that I have attempted to address these topics in a respectful but at the same time realistic way. If you feel I have failed in this regard please do let me know, I would love to hear the opinion of someone who actually has it. 
> 
> This fic is not beta-read the grammatical errors are mine alone. Criticism is welcomed.
> 
> Lengthy notes regarding my thoughts and inspirations for this fic are included in the endnotes.

He pawed eagerly at himself as the film rolled, the VTR whirring as violent imagery was rapidly displayed on the screen in front of him. The other hand dipped into a bowl full of a single warm bloody baboon heart he squeezed at gently. The doctor had a weekly ritual, a way to unwind after a particularly stressful week of needless fights with RED. Being blessed to work in the laboratory he was easily able to enjoy the secluded private use of the BLU tape recorder. A chance to escape from all his problems with the aid of a little private film. A rare tape, a special tape, a tape he had played over a month's worth of salary for. Contained on the reel were over 40 minutes worth of suicides, guttings, torture, and rape. All of it rare footage, and most homemade by sadists and other enthusiasts. Getting a personal film like this was extremely rare and Medic felt quite proud that he had managed to secure a deal with a wandering splatter-show worker.

Medic's breathing sped up as a man's stomach was split open, internal organs swelling out readily, the doctor began to stroke broadly as the man's captors shoved his lungs aside to fully expose the still pulsating heart. As the men in the video gave the heart a heavy squeeze Medic felt himself gasp, he couldn't hold on much longer. He knew how this scene ended, it was probably his favorite in the collection, the man was nearing the end, his heart about to be held shut until the beating slowed to a stop. The dying man's last bit of kicking and screaming crescendoed in one last futile effort to defy his captors. Medic quickly sped up his pace hoping to achieve orgasmic bliss at the same time the last bit of life leaves the man. The grip on the heart tightened as he tried his best to line up with what the man on the screen was doing.

Just as he was releasing a sudden noise made his head snap around, standing in the back of the lab was the BLU Engineer, his lips pursed and expression almost indeterminable behind the heavy googles. A million emotions came over The Medic all at once anger, shock, fear, embarrassment mingled together to create a panicked state. "Engineer! I-" shuffling quickly he reached to turn off the recorder as the scene in the video switched to a young blonde woman sobbing and shaking as she filled her mouth with a handgun.

Pulling up his pants he attempted to maintain his composure shakily steadying his breathing. Standing up straight he clicked his boots together and turned towards his uninvited guest, "What can I do for you today Herr Engineer?" desperately trying to channel some form of professionalism.

The man looks at him silently and for a while the doctor doesn't think he is going to say anything, he fears he is going to walk right back out. Tell the rest of the base about the disgusting things he is jerking off to. Perhaps he'll call The Administrator, tell her The Medic isn't fit to do his job. He wrings his hands together, an old habit, it betrays his mood and The Engineer takes note of it briefly looking at the nervous tic. It must alleviate his fears as he finally speaks up "Was goin' to sleep but I have a killer headache keepin' me up, decided to come and see if you had any pills."

Not responding The Medic walked over stiffly to the cabinet in the back. Swinging it open a couple of hundred bottles of various pills ranging from common to dubious are messily stored with little to no obvious sorting system. Inwardly the doctor curses his bad habits as he digs through trying to find a suitable treatment. He's off, dropping a few bottles in frustration, German curses escape from under his breath. It takes a moment to register that The Engineer had walked over, crouching down to gather the fallen pills. "Jeez, doc, yer a wreck." scooping them up he lays the bottles on the counter. Calmly the southerner wraps an arm around The Medic "Let's get a drink doc, you've got tea 'round here right? It'll probably do good for both of us." Guiding the doctor with no protest to a seat The Engineer calmly lowered him.

"You shouldn't be making stuff for me when you have such a bad headache," it came out as a half-hearted jab. The doctor slouched passively in the chair looking over to the shorter man.

"I don't mind one bit, 'sides been a while since I've had it hot." Humming to himself Engineer eagerly began to open Medic's special tea cabinet and looked at the varieties "Which of these are good for the evening earl grey or oolong?"

"Try the chamomile, it's not exactly the same as the iced tea you are familiar with, but it's very light." Medic gestured to the light lavender box on the second row. The side was adorned with a multitude of flowers. The Engineer studied it for a moment, giving an approving smile before setting it aside on the counter to prepare boiling water.

Neither talked while Engineer prepared the drink, he read the side of the box twice through while waiting and looked aimlessly about the lab until the screaming of the kettle brought him back. Quickly pouring the drinks to maintain maximum heat he dips in the bags and seats himself across from the doctor.

The first sip gives the Texan a scorched tongue and he hastily blows on it earning a laugh from across the table. "I know it's supposed to be hot, but it's been so long I'd forgotten how much it can burn" he smiled back. A peaceful silence fell over the room as the tea's soothing effect came over them, for a while it seemed the earlier events never happened, the tranquility didn't last long however as the Engineer nearing the end of his mug speaks up "You know doc I don't mean there to be any bad blood between us, but I can't shake what you was doing earlier."

The Medic looks down at his mug intently, a wave of shame washes over him. "I thought you were all asleep, I didn't ever intend anyone to see that." For a second his eyes look a little bit watery but no tears come. "You must think I'm disgusting." 

Setting the mug down the southerner looks across to him "Yeah, you reckoned about right, how you can get off to that kinda stuff is beyond me. You get excited every time we fight REDs?" 

Looking up at The Engineer's serious expression the Medic began to panic a little "Well no, actually I, I don't feel anything like that. I mean I feel the blood rush and the excitement of the battle, I love killing the REDs and getting the edge on them when one corners me, but their death doesn't give me any sort of sexual satisfaction." Quietly looking away he added, "It's the fact that they aren't permanently dead." His face flushes red with embarrassment and he can't meet the other man's eyes. The Medic sips at the tea quietly, it's a long sip, longer than it needs to be. An attempt to avoid further discussion. 

"Now doc, don't clam up on me, I know you get a little excited about your experiments right, but you didn't kill any of the people in that film did you?"

"Nein! I've never killed anyone for my fetish, I never would-" Before the panicked Medic could continue he was cut off. 

"Then it doesn't matter, you didn't hurt anyone. I find it gross, just plain nasty in fact, but I don't think you personally did anything wrong." 

The soothing voice did little to quell the Medic "I purchased it, am I not facilitating its production? I paid a lot of money for this tape, surely you realize that encourages more like it?"

"Yer' telling me all those organs you buy on the cheap black market doesn't encourage just as bad behavior?" the corner of his mouth upturned as a wide grin came over the Engineer's face "Doc that probably would have been a good point for anyone 'sides you." The tension left the room as the doctor returned his gentle gaze. "I don't intend to tell anyone what happened here, but it ain't healthy to keep all this bottled up you need to talk to someone about this." With a gentle tone he adds "I can be that guy if you want, people back home always did say I was a good listener." 

"Can you come by next Saturday? I do this thing every week and having someone there would get a lot off my chest." The wringing hands return, "Of course, if you would feel gross or uncomfortable I understand."

"I won't change my mind, but I'll gladly come visit and talk about it with you." The Engineer pushed out his seat and stood up, grabbing the two empty mugs he walked them over to the sink, dropping them in a little too harshly he turns back to the doctor and pats his ungloved hand on the others back. "I do consider you a friend and I hope you realize this doesn't change that. 

With one more firm reassuring squeeze he leaves the Medic to contemplate things. 

* * *

It had been a particularly stressful week, ending in a disappointing complete failure to prevent a valuable payload from reaching its destination. 

Despite the negative vibes surrounding the base the Medic's mind had been a swirl of giddiness and fear. Truthfully the man was excited to share his passions with someone, no one had ever seen this side of him before. The nagging dread in the back of his mind fought for rationality, seeding doubt in him and whispering about how scared the Engineer would be, the good doctor tried his best to dismiss these thoughts. 

They had agreed to wait until after 11 pm to meet. Both the men were accustomed to late nights of hard, tireless, and often thankless, work. The most important thing was to make sure no one else would walk in on them. After ensuring that the hallway was clear the Engineer puts away his tools and steadies himself for the night.

Pausing in front of the infirmary the Engineer takes a deep breath and pushes in the door.

"Oh Herr Engineer! Come in, come in!" The Medic grabs his arm and eagerly ushers him in, plopping him down at a chair. Nervous energy filled the room as he watched the doctor set up a stool. "I generally have things set up ahead of time, but the Demoman blew off his left leg and I spent the evening fixing it. I'll explain more just give me a second to grab a few things." The doctor babbled on he opened the fridge to unwrap some kidneys from foil. Placing them in a bowl he sets it on the stool and began to load the VTC.

"Wait doc were you actually planning to, you know, _do it_ with me in here?" Confused the Engineer felt an uneasy pit forming in his stomach. He hadn't actually planned for him to call him over for this. 

"Well yes, you seemed curious and concerned about me being by myself. I've never done it in the same room with someone else before, but it's not like you've never done roughly the same thing to yourself ja?" Face downturned a little he looked up from loading the film. "Did you anticipate something else?"

"Dag nabbit, you really are just going to let a guy see you like this? I thought I offered to talk not... Whatever weird stuff this is." The Engineer gestures to the kidney filled bowl, a deep sigh escaping him. 

With a slap the cover of the VTC closes. "Sorry, I guess..." With a hand to the back of his head he looked down at the other man. An insecure chuckle escaped his lips "Would you believe I was actually excited for tonight? I've been doing this for so long, always alone and afraid. I was thrilled at the prospect of another person knowing, being able to indulge without needing to constantly be checking over my back." The voice trembled as more words spill out. "I was being over-eager, of course this isn't normal you wouldn't want to see me like this." 

Before the Medic could withdrawal the Engineer piped up "Well this is certainly unconventional ain't it? Gosh Medic, I don't know, I promise I won't leave if you don't want me to. This whole thing though, I still think it ain't right, can't say I fully approve or will be much company." Seeing the light return to the Medic's eyes made him a little uneasy, it's the same kind of joy that he sees when the other man is arms deep in a patient. In an effort to keep the tone positive he politely asks "So why don't you tell me what you've got here." 

"Wunderbar!" With a clap he eagerly picks up the kidneys giving a gentle squeeze as not to break the casing. "I don't know if you noticed last time but I tend to have an organ to make the experience a little more vivid. Hearts are my favorite, they are very durable, but I don't have any on hand at the moment." The Engineer frowned "They aren't human, baboon, see this jar over here has a human one. Much smaller not as good of a grip." Sitting down beside the shorter man he tapped the play button. 

The film began unceremoniously with an animal attack. A large group of wild dogs surrounded a man, one of them lunges forward and pulls him down as he falls his head is whacked on a fallen tree knocking him out as the dogs begin to tear at him. The whole thing is grainy the red of blood is visible, but it is hard to make out exactly what is happening, something the Engineer is very grateful for. "Where did you get a tape like this anyway?" He said as the scene changed to a slide show of various crime scene bodies.

"Bought it! The baboon parts are supplied by the company so I have lot's of spare cash. Various traveling productions showcase videos like these, I've gone to a few back in Germany. I recently tracked one down and haggled enough to get a reel of the film. This one has a good variety so it was very much worth it, some only have suicides or animal attacks, I don't think I would have gotten as much use out of it."

A woman hangs herself by accident in some surveillance footage as panicked and muffled screaming fill the room. Engineer's heart lurches "Don't the screams bother you?" The neck of the women snaps silencing the screams. The body sways for a few more seconds before the scene switches again. 

The Medic embarrassedly looks down. "Not anymore, when they cried it used to make me feel bad, but I'm used to it now. It's not something I prefer particularly, but I can deal with it. I really like videos that showcase the inside of the body organs and the like." His breath suddenly hitches as the gutting video shows up. "This one is my favorite" the words breathlessly leave his lips. 

The man on screen is wrestled to the ground, men pin down his arms and bring a knife to his chest and rack it down his stomach. Unlike the other videos this one is much clearer. The crisp visual of the organs spilling out of his abdomen was some of the most detailed the Engineer had ever seen. Bile filled his throat, he could hear the Medics heavy breathing as he had begun to grope at the organ. The entire situation was becoming hazy and surreal. The Engineer could feel the rising bile standing up he ran to the bathroom. Fumbling with the door he burst it open and grabbed the porcelain toilet. Over the sound of his lost supper, he could hear the Medic's worried shouting, but the words were lost on him. Bits of the Soldier's stew stuck to his chin. Slumping to the floor and looking around he found his companion towering over him, worry evident on his face. "I'm fine, jus give me a sec." With what seemed like tremendous force he lifted himself up bracing on the sink for support. After being handed a towel the face and bits that had found their way on to the floor were cleaned up. 

"Sorry for making such a mess doc, didn't mean to air my paunch like that."

"Nein, it's all my fault I shouldn't have pressured you into watching it with me." He apologetically grabs a fresh towel and dampens it. Giving it over to the Texan he frowns, looking away pensively he adds "Sorry I'm so gross." 

"Quit yer apologizing, I stayed to watch it didn't I?" With one final splash of water he exits the restroom and makes his way over to the kitchen area. "I'm going to grab some tea, want me to make you some?"

"Of course, Earl Grey please."

"Coming up."

The uncomfortable stillness returned to the infirmary, the only sound being the burners running and a few doves flapping their wings periodically. As the kettle let out a scream and the tea was brought out the Engineer set down the mug in front of the other man and simply said "So we on for the same time next week?"

"What?" the Medic sputtered, absolutely flabbergasted. "You are joking, right? How could you want to meet up again?"

Across the table the Engineer blew lightly on his tea before giving a tentative taste with the tip of his tongue. "I still don't believe bottling these feelings up is right, especially if it causes you to feel so much hate towards yourself. Personally prefer it if we stick to talking rather than tossing, but I was serious when I said I considered you a friend. Don't think I'll just leave you, you want someone to share this with, I'll be that guy." 

The Medic smiled appreciatively, and sipped his own drink quietly. "Thanks Herr Engineer, it really does mean a lot to me. I'd be happy to meet next week and I promise no video."

Smiling they drunk their tea in peace, a mutual understanding had fallen over the duo.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel I struggled to capture Medic, he is goofy and psychotic, but I don't think I really showed that here. It's the first time I've worked with him though so I'm banking on it being an adequate enough attempt. 
> 
> The title is taken from a pretty cool exploitation film _Faces of Death_ , it's a mix of real animal gore and awesome special effects, check it out if this kind of stuff interests you. 
> 
> I've got a fascination with morbid stuff like gore and death, starting with an interest in slaughterhouses in middle-school, but it never developed into the sexual arousal presented in this fic. I've still got that juvenile outlook of "that's kinda cool/interesting." Sometimes I feel bad that I can view a lot of this stuff without being fazed, but I guess that's a part of over-exposure. After so many videos you just stop caring. For me, I find it easy to disassociate myself from the gore assuming there is no crying or screaming. Those human emotions draw me back in and I instantly feel sick, stuff I can be apathetic towards when muted often become vomit-inducing when audio is included. It's interesting how that works. 
> 
> Anyway...
> 
> This fic was inspired by a recent real-life suicide video I stumbled across. It's quite popular and is being used as a shocker on unsuspecting Facebook moms and Snapchat teens. I won't post a link or post the name of who it is out of respect for the family but if you are reading this when it is new you might have possibly seen it. A man uses a shotgun and blows his face off while live-streaming to family and friends, unlike other shotguns suicides I've seen his body collapses in a way where he is visible for a significant amount of time clearly before the stream is cut. Almost a minute of his body just laying there, head split open. As horrifying as it may seem one of my first thoughts was "Wow this is probably some gore fetishist new favorite video." Awful I know, but it really was a surprisingly clear video, by far the most detailed view I've seen of a post-gunshot suicide. I felt extremely bad for the family, having someone you raised belittle you before taking their own life out of spite, but the applications of the video kept coming back to haunt me. I know the kind of communities this is going to be spread in. Someone out there is jerking off to it.
> 
> I had been getting back into TF2 at the time and I feel it isn't too hard to make the assumption that a portion of the fanbase interprets the Medic as having a certain _fondness_ for guts and gore. Part of it is clearly just the fact that he is a doctor and the visual imagery associated with him is bloody, but he is positively gleeful to be squeezing organs and preforming unethical experimentation. 
> 
> The proximity of these two things sparked a little inspiration for me, I could easily imagine the Medic enjoying a video like above so my mind kept encouraging me to write something up. I was still missing the justification though. The why, I didn't just want to write a porn fic. I included the Engineer as a way to fully explore the concept and why someone might be into it, a back-and-forward was needed. I guess he's my self insert in this fic? Hopefully, there isn't too much projection there. I think that Engineer is probably the most likely to be the disapproving but not outright reject the person in question. I really want to stress that I don't think people who get off on this kind of thing are bad. I don't, but at the same time, it is a scary fetish. I wouldn't personally want to know somebody with it because there is that visceral violence and in a lot of these cases, they are getting off to real gore. 
> 
> I hope I have succeeded in taking a multifaceted look at the topic.
> 
> In my mind, this fic would develop into a full on slash as Medic learns that he loves the Engineer's company a little bit more than his video. If anyone want's to take that idea and run with it be my guest; I'll probably never return to this concept or fic.


End file.
